Archive for Life Lessons

…and then she flew.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on July 6, 2008 by Whit.

This blog is about my dreams- for my life, for my children, for my world. I used to write at a different address under a different name, mainly for those who knew me already. I wanted friends and family to stay up to date on what was happening with my family and my life, as chaotic as it was at the time. Well, let’s face the facts. Life is still chaotic. Life happens. Joy happens. Hurt happens… but all of that is life.

I used to feel like I was learning to fly. I imagined myself to be that baby bird, who for whatever reason was kicked out of the nest a little earlier than she would have preferred. I may have coasted somewhat safely to the ground, but I remained there, spending my time debating whether to flap my wings and try again, or find a safe place to hide. In the interim, life happened. By not choosing to live and think and exist, I chose to let life take its own course. I made poor choices based on what others expected of me. I didn’t always seek out wise counsel. But life would have made sense if only everyone been on the same team… no team doesn’t quite accurately describe the situation. They were warring parties… and I was caught in the middle of the battlefield, unmoving, afraid to side- afraid to choose. I was living in this world of “maybe.” There were no “yeses” or “nos.” Only maybe… and one tends to lose herself in maybe. That is, in fact, if one knew who she was in the first place.

I feel as if I have turned a corner. This corner, surprisingly, coincides with the conception of my second child. This child chose me…as did my first. These pregnancies weren’t carefully scheduled to the occur at the precise, most optimal time in the life of my family. Both have been an occasion of “oops..” And each pregnancy has received mixed reviews from each side of the war. Don’t get me wrong… there was nothing indecent or taboo about either pregnancy. I’m a married woman. It’s just that my parents fancy me a child. Though she doesn’t verbalize it, my mother thinks I’m irresponsible. I can tell by the tone of her voice and the angle of her eyebrows when we talk. To some degree, I am a child… AND irresponsible. But now… at THIS time, it doesn’t really matter anymore. I have stepped off the battlefield. Rather, I have chosen to flap my wings.

…and then she flew. Daily, I live MY OWN life, apart from the land of “maybe.” I make my own choices, guided by my God, intuition, and knowledge. Each day it’s difficult. My wing muscles haven’t been used in a long time, if ever. They’ve atrophied. But now… I look down, and my feet aren’t on the ground anymore. And each day, it gets easier to be ME. To fly…