The Reality Project

Aug18_0004 I think there’s going to be a new identity crisis for this generation- the technical generation. So much of who I am is wrapped up in technology. Having an online presence gives new meaning to being two faced, you know?  The internet and blogging gives you this opportunity to totally reinvent yourself. Are you the same person online that you are in real life?

I’m not talking like internet stalker- perverted 40 year old man posing as a 13 year old girl type of thing. I’m just talking about little “embellishments.” In what ways do we embellish ourselves for different people?

I’ve always had a multi-faceted personality and I kind of grew up with an inborn ability to be different for different people. We all want to be liked, and we all want to fit in, but I’ve always been really good at being who people wanted me to be. But maybe I wasn’t as good as I thought I was, because I wasn’t very popular.

I remember times on the playground like in the 4th or 5th grade- trying to be extra smart with my smart friends… and getting in trouble with my “bad” friends- and as disgusting as this sounds- bringing up the Bible an awful lot with my Christian friends. Am I really so different now?

I think the first step is to give myself a reality check up. What groups of people do I try to blend with? There’s church friends- am I the same with them as I am with everyone else… and since most of them are married- do I act “more married” around them? The saddest thing about this is the people I hang out with from church make up like 95% of my IRL (in real life) friends. I need to get out more. So many of my relationships have evolved into this business of keeping up with each other online…. either with the passage of time or distance.

So other groups: there’s the attachment parents…. the green people… the tattooed crowd… the super moms… there’s still the “bad kids” and yes, I still define certain people by their “Christian-ness.” 

My goal: to be the same person to all these people… to be one whole person all-the-way-around. Let’s call it “The Reality Project.”

Over the course of the next week (baby steps people)- I will attempt to share my struggles and wanderings through this new reality.  If anyone wants to join me, we’ll form a support group… as long as you don’t try to fit in with it, we’re cool.

This is going to be interesting…

I just finished this post and thought to myself- it needs a picture. I started to wish I had some very modern looking, artistic portrait of myself that made me look both deep in thought, but could be so much as a profile picture of my elbow. You know what I’m talking about? So I went digging through pictures of myself in our “family pictures” file and found this. This was taken at the Melting Pot after Ryan and I separated. This was one of our first “dates” again, and I’m not sure why I was wearing that tank top… but I remember being really cold.  I don’t think this is a very flattering picture of me- but I don’t think this process is going to be very flattering. I hope you’ll still love me in the end.

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