A Long Night

Last night was one of those nights… Around 1:30, the boy woke up sick.  Why do these things always happen at night, when you feel the most helpless?  The process begins: washing of sheets, a shower, finding something to sleep on… and in his little dazed, midnight mind, I know he’s scared and uncomfortable. 

And in my dazed, midnight mind, I’m scared and uncomfortable.  A  2 a.m. watching of VeggieTales helps him to feel better, and after three more bouts of it- the boy drifts off to sleep. But there, I lay…  I feel my own stomach roll a few times and wonder if it’s a virus or just the effects of being barfed upon in my sleep.  Is it my own active imagination or something he/we/I ate?  Or even worse, is this a signal that labor is coming?  I can’t have this baby now, not when my first baby needs me so much.  I get up and take a Zofran… God- I love my midwife.

There I lay…. for hours.  Analyzing every burp, breath, and gurgle that comes from my sleeping boy and wondering if it’s over.  I get uncomfortable on one hip and want to roll over, but I’m afraid to.  I know I’d never be able to roll back over fast enough to react to another bout of sickness.  So instead, I move to the other side of the bed… the smelly side.

My mind continues to reel…. is this over, I need to put the sheets in the dryer, why are my feet so cold, am I shaky, I hope he’s comfortable, that contraction didn’t feel so great, am I going to go into labor, is it safe to have Zofran and Zantac in your system at the same time, finances, chores, laundry, an article to write, a conversation with a friend, the future…

Why can’t I shut off my brain long enough to fall asleep? 

I hate that feeling.  Around 5 or so, I fall back asleep, and wake up with a pounding head at 7:30.  The good news… I believe, for the moment, that it was all a combination of too much cheap pizza, Valentine’s candy, and excitement.  Even better news… a quiet Sunday at home to savor with my boy- who really is my heart beating outside of my body…

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One Response to “A Long Night”

  1. One of the most adorable pictures I’ve ever seen. (I’m talking about Jack in bed with his blankie. Don’t know if it will tell you which I’m talking about or not…)

    -Liz

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