A Long Night

Last night was one of those nights… Around 1:30, the boy woke up sick.  Why do these things always happen at night, when you feel the most helpless?  The process begins: washing of sheets, a shower, finding something to sleep on… and in his little dazed, midnight mind, I know he’s scared and uncomfortable. 

And in my dazed, midnight mind, I’m scared and uncomfortable.  A  2 a.m. watching of VeggieTales helps him to feel better, and after three more bouts of it- the boy drifts off to sleep. But there, I lay…  I feel my own stomach roll a few times and wonder if it’s a virus or just the effects of being barfed upon in my sleep.  Is it my own active imagination or something he/we/I ate?  Or even worse, is this a signal that labor is coming?  I can’t have this baby now, not when my first baby needs me so much.  I get up and take a Zofran… God- I love my midwife.

There I lay…. for hours.  Analyzing every burp, breath, and gurgle that comes from my sleeping boy and wondering if it’s over.  I get uncomfortable on one hip and want to roll over, but I’m afraid to.  I know I’d never be able to roll back over fast enough to react to another bout of sickness.  So instead, I move to the other side of the bed… the smelly side.

My mind continues to reel…. is this over, I need to put the sheets in the dryer, why are my feet so cold, am I shaky, I hope he’s comfortable, that contraction didn’t feel so great, am I going to go into labor, is it safe to have Zofran and Zantac in your system at the same time, finances, chores, laundry, an article to write, a conversation with a friend, the future…

Why can’t I shut off my brain long enough to fall asleep? 

I hate that feeling.  Around 5 or so, I fall back asleep, and wake up with a pounding head at 7:30.  The good news… I believe, for the moment, that it was all a combination of too much cheap pizza, Valentine’s candy, and excitement.  Even better news… a quiet Sunday at home to savor with my boy- who really is my heart beating outside of my body…